::Earth-Shattering Distinctives::

:: Monday, May 09, 2005 ::

The Violation of the Tenth Commandment and
the Sins of Self-Aggrandizement and Self-Deprecation

Thou shalt not covet.

There is a woman who makes it a point to keep up with the Joneses, only shop at certain stores and keep up with popular culture. This type of woman would never think of buying an assemble- it- yourself bookshelf or handsoap at Wal-Mart or Target if she can say she purchased these things at IKEA or Bath and Body Works. She would never use Suave or VO-5 on her hair, but always buys expensive shampoo from a beauty supply store or directly from her beauty salon where a haircut costs thirty dollars. Every brand new piece of technology is installed in her home and car. It doesn't matter that she has a few nice things. She wants more. She can't stand the fact that others have something newer than she does, even if what she has is wonderful. When confronted about the sin of self aggrandizement, she will say, "I just like nice things. There's nothing wrong with that!"

Then there is another type of woman who will only shop at low-end thrift stores, makes it a point to look dowdy wherever she goes and generally refuses to have nice furniture or "treat- like" food in her home and refuses to adorn herself. Nice things are practically seen as an evil.
When confronted about the sin of of self-deprecation, this woman will say, "It's what's inside that counts. I don't need nice things to be happy." This woman is as covetous as the first woman. She simply expresses her sin through self-pity and looking more impoverished than she is instead of trying to upstage the self-aggrandizing woman with more and better material goods and services.

These two types of women may be worlds apart socially and economically, but spiritually they are much more alike than they are different. They are both worshippers of self. They are both screaming, "LOOK AT ME, EVERYBODY!!!" The first woman wants everyone to admire her for being "in" and trendy. She wants everyone to say how beautiful she is. She wants other women to look at her and envy her clothing, physique, home, etc. The second woman wants pity, or wants people to think that her "going without" is inherently righteous, noble and godly. She wants others to focus on what a sad life she's had, and she especially wants to be seen as more righteous than the self-aggrandizing woman.

I have to be honest and say that I identify more with the first woman than the other. I was an only child; and while we were by no means wealthy, we certainly had enough, and much of it was very nice. My parents not only idolized me and made sure I constantly had the best of a lot of things, they didn't discipline me biblically. I was never spanked. Not a good combination of childrearing for a little girl! I am certainly thankful to God for his mercy on me, otherwise I don't want to think about the witch I could have been had there been no arrest of my pathetic nature by the Holy Spirit. So, yes, I struggle with self-aggrandizement. I have to learn to do without more, and learn that I can't always have the best of everything, nor do I need to. The Lord is showing me how to be a humble person, and He has used the gifts and even sinfulness of the self-deprecating woman to show me where I need to grow.

From having counseled women struggling with self-deprecation, I've noticed that many ladies who struggle in this way usually suffered physical, sexual or emotional abuse growing up. They have been treated so poorly that they, like the self aggrandizing woman, have a perverse view of the material world. Since they don't have what others have, it's easier to disparage it than enjoy it in perspective. So much energy has been spent on their pain that they can't enjoy the finer things that our Lord has given to them.

As difficult as it is for us, we need to spend time with other sisters in Christ who have the opposite struggles that we do, because we can be strengthened, and so can they. If the self-aggrandizing woman spends all her time with sisters who have her same struggles, she may have a lot of fun, but she also may be dragged further into materialism, snobbery and discontentment... oh, that discontentment. Likewise, if the self-deprecating woman spends time with others like her, she may be spared of having to hear about "this cool shop" and "this neat purchase"; but she also may be dragged further down by self-pity and bitterness, along with the dangerous, gnostic belief that the material world is inferior to the spiritual. Both of these types of women need to be shown that their beliefs lead to an ungodly home and society. If you struggle with legalism, spend more time with Christians who understand how freedom that comes from abiding in Christ's Law-Word can lead to a fruitful, energetic, exciting Walk. If you struggle with antinomianism, spend more time with Christians who have a love for God's law, and can teach you to apply it to your life as a woman.

We need to sharpen each other and be sharpened by one another. If you sense that you lean on one side more than the other, ask God to forgive your sin and seek Christian women as mentors who are strong in the area you are weak in. One thing is for sure, we all need to learn how to not think more highly of ourselves than we ought.

:: Mal du siecle 6:36 AM |